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If I didn’t get out quickly, it felt like I might lose control of myself or maybe have a heart attack.Īs terrifying as those feelings were, the worst symptoms I’ve ever experienced weren’t the physical ones. I’d have an urgent need to leave the place where I was panicking. My vision would start to black out, and I was afraid I’d faint. I’d be short of breath and sometimes it felt like I’d choke. I had the common symptoms that most people know about: a rapid and pounding heart, lightheadedness and dizziness. I’ve had panic attacks since I was a young girl and was diagnosed with panic disorder in my early 30s. I had no idea what had just happened to me and hoped those feelings wouldn’t come back. I rushed out of the office and felt better outside. I wouldn’t have been able to describe it, and I assumed no one would understand. There was no way I was going to tell anyone, it was too weird. I hoped no one noticed that anything was wrong. It felt like the color had drained from my face and my body was numb. I sat in a daze while she gathered the papers. I was freaked out, but managed to tell the woman at the desk what my teacher needed. When I arrived there, a strange and terrifying sensation came over me, like I wasn’t sure what I was doing.Īm I really here? Is this me or someone else I’m watching? Is this real? My fourth-grade teacher asked me to go to the administration office to pick up some papers. The first time it happened, I was nine years old.
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